(WARNING: contains graphic imagery and examples that some readers may find disturbing).
7am: Waking up in the morning, gotta be fresh gotta go downstairs..
(No, but seriously, we should send them Jedward).
8am: Check ‘sensible’ job applications email. No messages. Die inside.
Switch to fun Facebook/Twitter email. No messages. Consider suicide.
9.30am: Decide suicide a bit melodramatic. Watch Jeremy Kyle to feel more like the Queen. (First bowl of porridge of the day). Cry hysterically every time Jeremy screams at a wife-beating, crack addict to ‘get a job’.
10am: Wash up bowl of porridge and despair tears. Do the rest of the washing up while I’m there to reinforce that I am still a valid member of the household.